Things I learned in Room 2 today

1. I learned how to make a paper doll chain, both in a straight line and in a circle.

2. I learned that there are several “causes” that have their own special colors. These are used to promote awareness for the individual situations. The odd thing is that there are a limited number of colors, but a considerable number of causes. So one color may end up representing awareness for two comically unrelated causes. For instance, a yellow ribbon is supposed to raise awareness for support of our military. Great, right? It’s also supposed to represent suicide awareness and the awareness of anal cancer. Hmmm…………

Home Improvement and Discontent

I've spent the last two weekends helping my friend Rob shop for furniture. She and her husband have been planning to makeover their living room since they got married in the spring of 2009, but this month, we all finally got around to picking things out. We've agonized over the patterns and fabrics and colors and styles of dozens of different pieces. We've measured and measured again. We've positioned and repositioned things in our minds. We've looked at catalogs and at actual furniture on the showroom floors. We've sat in every single chair and on every single couch and now, we've finally made decisions. All the furniture pieces, positions, and patterns are finally chosen and paid for. In 6-8 weeks, they'll (we'll) have a brand new living room.

I've enjoyed every minute of it. Organizing and arranging all of these things is something that I love. Interior design is one of my many future career ambitions. But the fact that I currently live in my very first single-person apartment, which isn't the most luxurious of living arrangements, means that my style and taste aren't exactly represented by the hodgepodge of hand-me-down furniture and accessories currently in my apartment. I've got lots of plans and ambitions, but my life and my private-school teacher's salary haven't yet allowed me to make the changes I'd like. Needless to say, although I've thoroughly enjoyed living vicariously through Rob and Tracy this fortnight, I can't help but think about all the things I'd like to do in my own place. Here are just a few that are in the front of my mind right now:

1. Buy or make slipcovers for my couch and chair
2. Buy a "gently-used" table and chairs
3. New curtains for the living room
4. New bedding
5. A microwave, since mine decided to quit a couple of weeks ago
6. Buy or inherit some shelves so that my beloved books can finally get out of those boxes and breathe
7. Put some sort of art on the super boring walls

Hopefully, this incredible discontent that I'm feeling will be satisfied soon. Maybe I'll even blog about my efforts in the coming weeks. Keep your eyes peeled for updates.

Illness

Today was the first day that I was sick enough to actually call in sick to a real-live job. I feel like death eating a biscuit and probably look like it too. I've got an array of symptoms that I've been fighting off for two or three weeks but lost my power over sometime yesterday morning. My throat is sore, my stomach feels queasy, and I've got a headache the size of Montana. So, I called our precious secretary this morning and asked very politely, and very pathetically, for a substitute. She was gracious and caring, but the bad news was that I had not planned to be absent today. As a first year teacher, I do almost all of my planning one day ahead. If I've got a full week planned before Tuesday afternoon, it is a most productive week. Needless to say, I did not have written lesson plans when I requested a sub at 7am this morning, so I had to go to school in my jeans with my wet hair to create lesson plans and make copies for my poor sub.

Don't get me wrong and assume that I'm a terrible teacher who never plans anything but just shows up and sees what happens. That's not at all the case. I'm just the kind of teacher who too often makes all the plans in her head (and sometimes in the morning in the shower), so they aren't the kind of plans she can pass on to another at a moment's notice. However, after about 25 minutes at school this morning, where I am sure plenty of people thought I was completely rude because I reciprocated their polite "Good Morning"s in a unenthusiastic manner, I finally made it back home to my chair where a large glass of ginger ale, a box of saltines, several chloraseptic lozenges, my ugly quilt, and the first season of Jed Barlett's White House awaited me. I enjoyed my morning as thoroughly as I could with Montana between my eyes, but the worst part about today, that I forgot to mention earlier, was that today was the day that final grades for the 1st quarter were due. At 3:25. I had finally finished reading and scoring all of the AP rewrites last night, but I hadn't put them in our online gradebook to be finalized yet, so I actually had to do a bit of work today. The sad news is that I, as a poor single private school teacher, do not yet have internet access at my home. So I was forced to venture out. Knowing that I did not want to have to be seen by people, my sweet Rob-Bob let me hijack her laptop in her office(after also bringing me lunch). Those of you who know Rob know how big of a sacrifice this really was for her. Fortunately, I was actually more caught up on grades than I thought , so it didn't take long for me to finalize things. Now, I'm back to resting and consuming fluids at a nearly alarming rate. I hope and pray that I feel better tomorrow and will be able to return to Room 2 at full capacity.....or at least a capacity where Montana has shrunk to New Jersey and I can think about something besides the activity of my intestines.

I never cease to be amazed at how quickly time passes when I'm sick. After lying around all day, I have no idea how it ever got to be 4:35 in the afternoon. I have done almost nothing productive all day. Wow.

Anyway, I'm not sure that this was of any interest to all of you, but I've felt rather lousy and lonely today and needed to at least pretend that there were some people out there who might at least like to read about my illness. At least from your computer screen, you aren't likely to catch it.

Logos

I've thought a lot about the truth of God's power in the spoken (and written) word over the past year or so. I intended to write my Senior Seminar paper in exploration of this idea last fall, but my mentor did not think it was a good idea, so I was pushed in another direction. Nevertheless, the idea of logos, our logo-centric faith, and God's power through the logos permeates my thoughts on a regular basis. A good friend and mentor sent me a link to a phenomenal blog post this morning that I could not leave alone. By far the most personal highlight of my first reading was the following statement: The tightly knotted bond between God and language is the secret truth of all writing. Isn't that profound? Not writing more often is one of my continuous regrets, but I allow life to get in the way too often. I love words, and the beauty that can be found through true self-expression is overwhelming. So, when I can't seem to make time to write myself, reading the words of others expressing profound truth is almost as good.

I'm in a difficult place in my life, and I've been trying really hard to see God working in my life to love me and show me what plans he has made for us. To say that I'm not very good at it would be an understatement. However, one of the ways I find God, his power, and his presence in my life regularly is through words. Whether it's through a song, a prayer, a scripture, or a few words from a sweet student, God is powerful and gracious and faithful, and he knows me. Looking for the secret truth in the writing of others is a balm for the secret longings of my heart, and I thank my creator for speaking so tenderly to me during this, my time of wilderness.

Thanks to all of you who allow God to work through you to minister to me as angels.

Musings from Room 2

It is no secret to those who know me that, although, as a teacher I'm not technically supposed to have favorites, the sophomores in 5th period are pretty special. I don't know what it is that makes that class so different from all the others. Maybe it's the personalities. Maybe it's the time of day, just before lunch. Maybe it's Memphis. Who knows? Nevertheless, there is an abundance of enjoyable moments and memories made daily in Room 2 during 5th period. I often wonder if these kids love me as much as I love them. Probably not. But some days they say things that just make my whole week. I could live on comments like "This class gets me through the day" for a lifetime. I don't know what I'm doing right with these kids, but they feel safe with me, and that is my #1 goal as a teacher.

Today was a day not unlike other glorious Wednesdays when I get to have all my sophomores for an hour and a half. There was random chatting and fun being had by all in the midst of grammar and learning and writing. It was heavenly, as you can imagine. But, for some reason, after several weeks of school, this class began to ask a plethora of questions about me and my life that they had not yet asked.

Are you married?
Do you have a "manfriend"?
Will you write a book? ( I later found out that they want me to write a book about them. Good thing they don't know about this blog.)
Do you have any siblings?
What is your favorite football team?: college and NFL

These are just the ones from today. I've also answered questions that range anywhere from what sports I played in high school to what my favorite movies are. I'm seriously considering creating an autobiography to share with them all. Since the readers of the pickle jar are among my greatest friends, I'm asking you for particular stories, facts, or parts of my life that should not be neglected, should I choose to tell my students about my life. Maybe I'll even dig out the ancient Facebook note on my 16 things for inspiration. The phone lines and comment boxes are now open.

Advice from the Pickle Jar

My juniors created autobiographies this week, and one of the requirements was a list of advice to others. It could have been "How to survive being"... a cheerleader, a junior, a football player, a younger sibling, etc. As long as it was something they learned from experience, it was valid. Here's my list.



1. Love like you couldn't breathe otherwise.

2. Don't do it all alone.

3. How things are and how you feel are not often the same.

4. You're not stuck. The only person you can change is yourself, but that doesn't give you the freedom to give up on that change. There's no such thing as "sorry, this is just the way I am."

5. Sometimes things end up better when they don't work out the way you planned.

6. Never let yourself get too busy to play with children and talk to them about their lives.

7. Never underestimate the power God has to create greatness out of the nothingness of your life.

8. Home isn't always a place; sometimes it's just being with the people you love who love you in return.

9. Laugh at yourself

10. Finish Strong.

A week in the life of a first-year English teacher

This week has been pretty crazy so far. I'm surprised by my own ability to miraculously shrug off the embarrassment and stress that have come from certain incidents. Things have happened this week that would usually have meant the end of the world as I knew it, but somehow I've had an attitude that has allowed me to simply laugh at myself. Don't get used to it.

1. I have been in charge of after-school detention this week. That is by no means the end of the world on its own, but when you combine it will all the other things I needed to do, staying for an extra hour after school every day was slightly overwhelming.

Bright Side: I was able to get some work done that I didn't have to take home or stress about the next morning.

2. Tuesday was.........um...........eventful. We only had school for half a day, and most of those 25-minute classes were taken up by school pictures, so the teaching aspect of the day was a complete wash. After the students went home at 12:30, the teachers ate a catered lunch from Pasta Grill, which is a new restaurant in town that I'd been meaning to try. I will definitely be eating there sometime in the near future. The lasagna was excellent, and as it's not my favorite pasta dish, I'm certain that the others must be even better. After lunch, I was able to rest a bit and make a trip to the grocery store to pick up a few snacks for the evening. At 3:00, parents arrived for my first ever Parent/Teacher conferences. I met with 23 parents in 4 hours. While that really isn't many considering the fact that I'm a brand-new teacher, it was still overwhelming. And the sheer business of being at school until 7:00 was exhausting.

Bright Side: The parents were gracious and sweet, and no one was angry with me.

3. Wednesday was the funny day. I'll set the scene: Wednesday is block day, so I only have odd-numbered classes for 1 1/2 hours each, plus 8th period. After my 3rd period planning, I made my way back to my room, where Coach L teaches Bible during 3rd period.
He hung around, talking to a student longer than usual. My students began to arrive and after my hourly trip to the bathroom, I re-entered my classroom to find everyone frantic. I immediately heard a very loud beeping alarm clock, but none of us could find its source. Coach L stayed to help. We even had a student standing on my desk to check the ceiling tiles because someone had placed an alarm clock in the ceiling of another classroom last year. Eventually, Mrs. S from next door and Coach M from the hall had also come to help with the investigation. Coach M pretended not to hear the sound so that the girls in my class would feel that they were going crazy. It worked for a while. Then he told us that he had played a prank and put the alarm in the ceiling. He was, again, joking. Eventually, Mrs. S and Coach M went to their own classes, and Coach L volunteered to get a ladder because we were all sure it must be coming from the ceiling. About the time he left, Dean M, who is my principal and boss, showed up. I'm not sure who told him about the situation, but he came to see what was going on. I was trying to just continue with class, but my efforts were mostly in vain. As I began to teach, or at least to get my students under control and Coach L went for the ladder, Dean M began to search my room. All of a sudden, I looked up, and he had picked up my teacher bag and put it on my desk as if the sound was coming from my bag. The only thing I could think of that might be making that incessant sound was my cell phone that I knew was on silent. Nevertheless, I got it out of my bag to check, and it was silent. Then we heard the noise again, and I discovered what had happened. The button on the side of my phone that adjusts the volume was being pushed inside my bag continually. It had been my cell phone and my fault all along. There's nothing like having your boss be the one to figure out that your cell phone is incessantly beeping and preventing you and others from having class. Still, after apologizing profusely, I was able to laugh it off and continue with what was left of my class. Coach M caught me in the teacher's workroom this morning (Thursday) to ask about what had happened and to share with the other coaches present the embarrassment of my Wednesday.

As if this alarm incident wasn't enough, I was also caught making grammatical mistakes in my Facebook status by my mentor and department chair, Mrs. S.

Additionally, during the Round-Table discussion in my AP class, I was hit by a paper ball that my students had been using to play a game that they thought I didn't know they were playing. The truth is that I was just happy they were actually talking to me and thinking critically.

Bright Spot: After our daily prayer in 5th period, one student told me that our prayers got her through the day. Another student extended her thought by declaring that my class got him through the day. Those are the comments we live for. I can live on that one for months.

4. Today (Thursday) was the day that Mrs. S had planned to come and observe my class to begin preparing me for the Praxis III observation that I will complete in the Spring in order to recieve my offical teaching license. The bad news is that she makes me nervous, even more so than when I had my offical principal's evaluation. So I had been slightly stressed about her coming to visit the class that is composed of the most unfortunate combination of personalities, abitilities, and circumstances imaginable. I'd spent several fruitless hours trying to be sure that I would not embarrass myself, yet again. But she had to leave school early this afternoon and was unable to come. That's a relief for the day, but it means that I'll just be postponing my stress until sometime next week.

Bright Side: I'm beginning to actually enjoy this class of poor, unfortunate misfits.

I greatly apologize to all my devoted fans and readers for the too-long hiatus you've been forced to endure while I spent the last month or so transitioning into my new life. I'm going to put blogging back on my priority list, but I'm not making any promises at this point as to how often you'll actually get an update. I love you all very much, but life is in session.

I suppose that the most efficient way for the pickle jar to make a comeback is to create a list of all the sweet and sour bits of life from the last few weeks. I'm a list maker by nature, but I'm terrible at hierarchies, so these are in no particular order.

1. I am and have been a real-live teacher for a month now. It still feels weird sometimes that I'm not the one in school anymore, but I love what I do. I'm sure that you all know someone in the teaching profession who could tell you all about the stress and mountains of work that go into molding young minds, and I am no stranger to climbing (and tumbling down) those mountains. However, I get to get up everyday and spend time with an amazing group of young people who continue to inspire, frustrate, encourage, and challenge me on a daily basis. I am certain that this is where I was made to be.

2. I just moved into a my very first grown-up apartment last week. It's a bit scary to actually be out on my own, paying my own bills, and coming home to an empty place every night, but I'm beginning to get used to it. I've always liked to be in control of how I spend my time, so that part is nice. I am confident that things will get easier. Some days are sweet; some days are sour. But everyday I am thankful for the opportunity to be able to be where I am.

3. Rob and I are still running, now on a daily basis. Our 5k for the JDRF is next weekend, and hopefully I'll have a post about how we were able to run the whole thing in roughly 45 min. It's still hard for me to keep going with the running routine, but I know I will feel so proud and accomplished when we cross that finish line.

4. Rob and I are also now sponsoring a child from Togo, West Africa through the Compassion International program. We send them money every month so that Francios can eat, sleep comfortably, go to school, and learn about Jesus. I am so excited to write my first letters and hear all about Francios' life. I still dream about being able to go hold babies in Africa someday, but until I get the opportunity to do that, I am doing what I can to make a difference.

In addition, here are a few things that you might see posts about in the near future, assuming that I can keep this up:

knitting

a new women's Bible study

Poetry Friday

experiences at a new church home

Wildcat Football

JDRF 5k

my sweet, sweet babies

ducks on the fishing pond

I hope this has been successful in satisfying your appetite for my interesting and witty entries. That's life in the pickle jar.

End of summer, beginning of life

I've been really busy this summer, along with suffering from lack of regular internet access, so this blog has fallen into unfortunate disrepair. Consider this post a cold drink in the desert with no promise of finding a spring.

I just figured it was time for an update on life in the pickle jar, but I'm pretty tired, so this is going to be pretty list-y.

1. Rob and I have continued our running regimen this summer. We're up to running 30 min, (or roughly 2.5 miles) without stopping. I'm looking forward to the day when it won't feel so much like work, but at least we'll be ready to run 5k for JDRF in September.

2. I flew to Seaside, Florida last weekend to see my dear friend JJ get married. It was a great time and a beautiful wedding, but an unfortunately quick trip. After arriving for the welcome party on Friday night, my return flight left at 6:05 on Sunday morning, which meant that I had to leave for the airport about 4 am. No fun. Then, as soon as I got back home, I had time for lunch and a load of laundry before driving to Fayetteville for the AP conference at the U of A. It was a productive week, but I was (and still am) worn out.

3. I have been unable to do any work in my classroom all summer because of construction going on in the building, but I was finally able to get a few things done today. It feels so great to be a real-live grown up teacher. Rob's been laughing at how excited I am about everything all day. It's nice to feel excited about something.

4. I finally found a place to live. I'm excited that everything is finally starting to come together. In just a few short weeks I'll be living and working and paying bills all on my own, just like a grown-up. I am so ready to finally be beginning the life I've been dreaming about for so long. So many parts of it didn't turn out exactly the way I envisioned, but I'm trusting God to make them better than I planned.

The me I never thought I would be

My parents both grew up playing sports. And I don't mean they liked sports and played in summer leagues and had a great time. Those things are all true, but it was more than that for them. Sports were what both of their young lives were all about and they both played every kind of sport available to them. So, by the time my sister and I were old enough to be on sports teams, we were. Softball was the biggest one at my house. My parents started coaching when I was only 4 years old (we were serious about ball, so I skipped tee-ball and started playing coach-pitch softball at the age of 4). They either coached or were our biggest cheerleaders until my sister decided to stop playing at the age of about 14. She's 4 years younger than me, so means our family was involved in softball (and basketball or volleyball during the school year) for about 14 consecutive years. Athleticism is in my blood. But it's not really in my body. I was always very strong, but never very fast. I'm not a runner. Even from my young days of softball, my daddy taught me to hit the ball really far so that I could make it to first base before they got the ball back into the infield. I've never been a runner.

By the time I made it to high school, I had practically given up on sports all together. I didn't enjoy them anymore because I was in terrible shape, and it was always too hard to play. I had just decided that that wasn't the girl I was going to be. Once I got to Harding and decided that I did not like my appearance or level of healthiness, Rob and I began a regular daily work out that we kept up for 3 school years. It was crazy. I never would have thought that I would become the girl who worked out regularly, appreciated its effect on my body, mind, and health, and even sometimes enjoyed it. Exercise has been a blessing for my life for sometime. However, even through all of that, I still wasn't a runner. My working out was mostly on the elliptical machines and lifting weights, etc. I am not a runner. My body wasn't created that way. But, like most things in my life, dramatic changes tend to come with a good cause attached. I've done a ton of things in my life that I never thought I'd do because they would benefit someone I cared about.

So now, thanks to a sweet lady who has blessed my life immensely by mothering me in just the way I needed, I am on my way to being a runner.

My friend, and former club sponsor, Lisa Burley's son was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes last year. Regina really wanted to walk with her in the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation Walk for a Cure last fall, but scheduling made it impossible. This year, Lisa has created an online team profile where people can join Burley's Bunch and pledge to raise money and walk with her. Lisa and the Burley family are so special to me that I just couldn't pass up the opportunity. So, I signed up, assuming that walking a 5K on a Saturday morning in September would be fun and for a good cause. Then I began talking to my friends, several of whom have other children in their lives who suffer from this dreadful disease. And Rob decided she wanted to do it with me, but, congruent with her nature, she also decided we needed to go all out. She has set us up with a training schedule where we run three times a week and will spend the summer working up to a place where we're able to run the whole 5K without stopping. I'm terrified, to say the least.

We began week 3 last night, and for the first time in more years than I can count, I ran 3 full minutes without stopping. Twice.

It's still pretty hard on me, and sometimes I still hate to go. But I like the way I feel after running, and I love the way I feel when I think about all the research that JDRF is doing and the idea that our children may see a cure within our lifetimes.

Counting my blessings

All the stress of my current life has put me in a bad mood for the last few days. I'm worried about what is going to happen in the next couple of months and continually wonder how in the world I'm really going to make it to August a prepared adult. In the midst of frustration like this, when nothing seems to make it better, and I've just got to keep swimming and push through it, it's important for me (and you ;) ) to remember the good things. So, today I'm going to make a list of the blessings I'm currently enjoying. I hope this inspires you to sit still for a few minutes today, make a cup of tea, and thank God for all He has done for you.

1. God places the single in families

God has not yet blessed me with a husband and family of my own, and this is usually a point of contention between the two of us. But, lately I have been able to see and appreciate that he has blessed me with extra mothers, grandparents, aunts, sisters, brothers, and children. I am eternally grateful to the countless members of God's family who have been generous enough to share their own families with me during this difficult time in my own life.

2. God knows what I need exactly when I need it.

I will never know why I had to wait until my last semester at Harding to make some of the best friends of my life, but God knows. I had several very good friends before this year, but when God blessed me with a friend who joined me in wondering why we hadn't found each other sooner and informed me that we were going to be friends forever, I couldn't ignore that. God knew that I couldn't have gotten through the past few weeks without her as an addition to the rest of my friend-family. I am grateful for his immense knowledge, even when I can't always see it at work.

3. God is an excellent guide.

I had some pretty specific plans for my life after Harding, but God didn't seem to agree with me. I have had to exercise my faith a lot lately and rely on the Father to work things out according to his will. He has helped me find a job and another family to join, but I still need a lot more help in working things out between now and then. He's gotten me this far, and--at least for today--I trust him to take me the rest of the way.

4. God gives me a way out.

Besides agonizing over the right decision about my job and career, the thing that has been the heaviest on my heart lately is the fact that I'm still single. Although there are no visible signs that God is making any headway in providing me with a man, he has sent me lots of sweet babies to love so that my motherly instincts and need to nurture can be satisfied. They provide me with a purpose, an object to pour my love onto, and a beautiful satisfaction of my need to be hugged.

5. God reminds me of my deepest loves when I feel that I'll never be able to keep going.

This week has been kind of surreal after last week's student-teaching and graduation that brought my college days to an end. I have felt very lost and haven't known what to do with myself. God, in his infinite wisdom, has reminded me of all the reading I've longed to do in the last few months while I lacked the time to spend in the world of literature. He and a couple of precious friends provided me with the perfect new book to get me back into literary-dom. Rediscovering my passion for words has given me a new sense of peace that is irreplaceable.

Top half empty

So, tomorrow is THE day. The last four years have been incredible. I've made my share of complaints, but this is truly the greatest place on earth. Not one time in the next 20 years will I grumble about mailing that student loan check. It has all been worth it, and then some.

This is a feeling that can only be understood by those who have shared this life. This place has become my home. It's where my people are. It's where I've grown up and learned who I am. This place and the people here are what have made me into the person that will walk across that stage tomorrow and turn my boring white tassel. I cannot believe I'm actually here.

I'm excited. I've been waiting to be a real-live grown-up for as long as I can remember. But now that it's finally time, I'm nothing short of terrified. I don't have a job. I don't have a place to live. I'm still as single as I was when I got here. THAT was definitely not in my plan. Because the future, even the immediate future, is so cloudy, I have nothing exciting to look forward to and take my mind off of all that I am losing. I have experienced so many "lasts" in the past few weeks that I can't even begin to write about them.

I feel like I've made it to that awkward place at the top of a half-empty page between chapters. I'm sort of just floating around in white space, having not yet found the first line of the next chapter.

I know I've got to start a brand-new life. I don't know how to do that yet. I don't know how to be in this in-between place. I can't even get into what it felt like to leave Pangburn High School for the last time this afternoon. I've complained about student-teaching there a lot, but the truth is that it was a wonderful experience. I learned so much, and grew to love so many people there. I could not help but fall apart a little on the way home when thinking about how much I love those kids and wondering what in the world I'm supposed to do when I'm not getting up and going to school with them every morning. I sat down after dinner tonight and had time to write this blog because there are no lessons to plan or papers to grade or HUFEOs to complete. I have no idea what to do with myself.

I know that this has all been rather random, but my person is rather unsettled right now. I know that tomorrow is going to be wonderful. My family will be here, and we'll all have a lovely time. Sunday will be fine as well because it'll feel like my usual routine. Monday is going to be the problem. On Monday, I'll have to figure out what it means to be a real person and then at least make a plan to do it. I don't want to give all this up. I don't want to have to do all these hard things. I'm trusting God, but so far, he's been speaking very softly.

I hear that the view from the other side is much nicer. I hear that it's all going to turn out ok, even thought I cannot currently see how I'm ever going to feel like things are "right" again when I can't live at Harding. I hear that I'm prepared and that it's normal to be nervous. I hear that no one is ever ready for the biggest things in life. I am looking forward to the day of great peace when I will finally be able to take those things to heart and really believe them. Until then, I'm going to keep praying, keep searching, keep looking forward, and have an amazing day tomorrow when I find myself surrounded by all of the people who love me the best.

Beautiful Word Clouds

So, we've established that I unashamedly possess a love affair with words. I think that one of God's greatest gifts to man was language. It's a living, breathing organism with its own moods, growth spurts, and life cycle. I love that I can read Milton, Faulkner, and Louise Rennison all in one day and understand exactly what is going on in all three of those vastly different styles of language because of the natural cohesion of the English system. It's delightful. So, in the spirit of language love and my own personal craftiness, I would like to introduce you to a beautiful creation that my friend Rob told me about the other day.

Blogdom, I'd like you to meet Wordle.


This is a site you may access at wordle.net. You can copy and paste text into a box or enter a URL and it will take all of the words and arrange them artistically according to how many times each is used. It's not only artistic, which I adore, this one --that's a representation of this blog--shows me where my heart is by giving me an inventory of how often I use certain words. I love this idea. As soon as I've got access to a really good printer and the time to do it, I'm going to print some of these and use them as artwork in my apartment. Don't you just love that idea? I love words used as art anyway, but I am not the most artsy gal you've ever met. I'm crafty and often creative, but I have fewer actual art skills than dog's hind leg. This way I can have the words I love surround me all the time and display an original art piece without the skills. It's the perfect way for my art of language to become actual visual art with the click of a mouse.

I commend Wordle's creators, and I hope that you are able to enjoy this tool as much as I do. Just in case you needed another view, here's one I created from the text of Milton's Paradise Lost Book 12.

Incompetent Hand-holders

Disclaimer: I, by no means, wish to convey by the bitterness and frustration of this post that I dislike my chosen profession. I love teaching. I love kids. But God never said I always had to like them.

I ask myself (and my cooperating teacher) every day: "What is wrong with people?" "Why don't my students think they have to do anything?" "Why are there no real consequences, either at home or at school, for refusing to put forth any effort?" Like that gum you stepped in last Tuesday and still can't manage to get off of your shoe, so are the questions of our lives.

My greatest frustration thus far as a teacher has been that my students simply believe that they do not have to do anything. Detention is not a motivator. F's are not motivators. Calling their parents or sending them to the office is a joke because everyone knows neither of these options are going to make any difference anyhow. There are no consequences. Refuse to turn in your work for weeks on end and find yourself failing the class during the last week of the semester? No worries. The principal will force your teachers to allow you to turn in late work for full credit, so you'll pass regardless. Actually show up for school fewer than 50% of the school days required by State Law? No worries. You'll be able to make up all your work when you finally return, and your teachers will catch all the heat when you do poorly on the Benchmark.

I've spent a considerable amount of time pondering this situation in my last 8 weeks or so of student teaching. I'm convinced that it is a generational issue. OK, before you get all "people everywhere and for all time are lazy and stupid" on me, let me clarify. My theory of generational laziness comes from the fact that it isn't just a handful of students I struggle with daily to get them to turn in work. It's a handful of students who I don't have to fight. The overwhelming majority of my students have this attitude, and I would like to take this space to point the finger at the parents. If you spend your entire lives coddling your children and never allowing them to do anything for themselves, they are going to assume that their teachers (and God forbid! their employers) will do the same. This Just IN: They won't. Holding your child's hand through everything, laying out his clothes every morning (until he's 35) and calling/emailing his teachers every time his homework is too hard for you to do for him is not doing him a favor.
So, this is to you parents: Whether your child is an adult, a toddler, or an glimmer of hope in the future, please let go of his bicycle once in a while and give him the chance to fall. He'll thank you for it in the long run, when he learns to get back up on his own. And so will his educators. And his employers. And his future wife.

Evening the playing field

This post is a collection (loosely defined) of thoughts that emerged from our Sunday morning class discussion and flared up again during the reading of Ellen's latest post. There has been a lot of talk in my social circles lately about the unchanging nature of God in light of the seemingly contradictory nature of the Old and New Testaments. Because you can read some interesting thoughts on that specific topic at the link above, I'm choosing to ramble on about the implications of this discussion. I like to spend time thinking about what it is I truly believe and how those beliefs ought to affect my everyday life. I'm often pretty terrible at blending all the compartments of my life together, so it's good for me to think about how my life would look if God seamlessly flowed through all the cubicle walls. I'm getting to the point sometime soon, I promise.

So, if I am to truly believe that God is the same "yesterday, today, and forever," what does that mean for my life? Well, I think that there are several important implications, but the one that I keep thinking about is an increase in humility and tolerance. If the God of the Old Testament is still the same God who I serve today, then His Law is and was perfect. It was not the spiritual Articles of Confederation, but rather it was the keyhole view of God's heart that he was working on revealing a little at a time.

If I believe that His Law is perfect, I will have more respect, not only for those words, but also for the people they were written for. As a body of believers, we generally see modern-day Jews as those poor people who missed the boat. Their religion was abolished with the death and resurrection of the savior we worship, and -- all too often we think that-- they were just too narrow-minded to realize it.

The Jewish people are the generations of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. They are the people who God set his heart on and spend hundreds of years yearning for, receiving unto himself, losing to idols, punishing, and reconciling with. Our perfect, gracious, and merciful God first bestowed His grace and mercy on the people of Israel.

I am by no means saying that we, as Christians, should embrace Judaism. I wholeheartedly believe in the resurrected Son of God and choose to be loyal to him always. (Besides, the Jerusalem Council decided I didn't have to in Acts 15.) I am only asserting that we realize the special place our own loving God gave to Israel and learn to be more tolerant and loving toward them as the beloved people of God.

What do you think? How is your life different when you live as though you serve an unchanging God?

Things about teaching that I never expected

This is a list of several lessons I've learned, either through my own mistakes or from the anecdotes of other teachers, while student-teaching. They are things that, although I grew up with a teacher in my house and have gone to school all my life and have friends who are teachers as well, I never thought about having to deal with. It just goes to show that no matter how educated you are, you don't always know everything. Sometimes there's a whole basket of muffins.

1. Writing on the board is hard.

Unless you have some sort of super powers, actual eyes in the back of your head, or a special mode of contortion that allows you to face the students and write on the board at the same time, you'll most likely have your back to something like 25 young people who are always looking for the opportunity to do something stupid like remove their prosthetic legs and hit others with them, light fires inside desks, or crawl out of windows. So you spend all of your time actually writing on the board doing everything you can to listen to what's going on behind you and make sure that they are all still present, intact, and paying attention. As you can imagine, all of that pressure makes the actual writing process rather difficult. Forget trying to write in straight lines on a giant blank white board. You'll most likely be more concerned with actually spelling everything correctly. The first time you spell "shirt" without the "r," you might as well just forget the rest of the lesson because you may never get their attention back.

2. You will know more about other people's bodily fluids than doctors do on a daily basis.

I cannot count how many times in a day students ask to leave class to go to the restroom or to step into the hall to blow their noses. But that is a legitimate need that I expected to have to deal with, and, honestly, it's not a big deal. I never expected, however, to have students announce that they "need to pee" in the middle of class with nothing like a question attached. I never thought about how many times I'd have to open a window because someone in the back row passed gas that was so foul no one else could concentrate. I can honestly say that the need to spit sunflower seeds into the trash in the middle of class was not something I considered having to deal with. Perhaps some of these things have something to do with the school district. I'm afraid that most of them have to do with teenagers.

3. Technology is wonderful, but incredibly unreliable.

Always have a back-up plan. Computers, smart boards, classroom televisions, projectors. All of these things, and many more resources, are wonderful and helpful in the classroom setting. They help make teaching and planning easier and more convenient and provide teachers for a wide range of outlets for their creativity. However, the first time you plan a whole lesson around a Powerpoint presentation in which you need, not only the presentation to load, but also the projector and the Smartboard to cooperate, at least one of those technological advances will fail you, and you'll be left with nothing. Always have a back-up plan.

4. Make friends with the custodians. They know all the secrets.

Custodians know where all of the extra hidden supplies are. They tend to be some of the first to find out about things that are happening in the district. Sometimes it's just gossip, but often times there are things that would be nice to know before the district deems it necessary to tell teachers. Custodians can be some of your best friends. Additionally, they are also the people you generally get the least respect in the building. If you treat them like Jesus would treat them, you'll not only be shining your light, you'll also get your room cleaned and your trash taken out more often than anyone else.

5. You may think that, as an English teacher, you'll never need to use math again.

Until there's a stack of essays you have to grade based on a rubric you must create and then assign points to and then calculate the percentage of. Consider yourself warned.

6. Your supervisor/principal/etc. will always come into your classroom when you least expect him. All too often it's the one minute you've sat down in your chair all class period.

One for One

In the spirit of shamelessly stealing a really good idea from the blog of my dear friend, Ellen, I've written this open letter to the creator of an incredible global-outreach project.

Dear Tom,
I'm not sure where you are in the world at this moment, what your last name is, or how exactly you became so brilliantly inspired to create your system of giving, but I would like to commend you for your excellence in ingenuity, creativity, and kindness. Your incredible organization and trendy footwear has made people worldwide more globally aware. It has incited charity among the wealthiest people in the world, and its popularity continues to flourish. I have long admired this project from afar as I watched many friends, acquaintances, and strangers rock your canvas shoes and longed for the day when I could become just one among so many who have answered the call to make the world a little smaller through peace, love, and footwear. Cinderella would be so proud.
This weekend, as I received the perfect pair of red canvas TOMS as a birthday gift, I thought of that person half-way around the world, young or old, small or large, who will receive its companion pair and will finally be able to walk to school or to work, play on the playground or fetch water for the family with feet that are covered and protected from the elements, and I was humbled and excited to be able to reach across an ocean and touch a life. It is a beautiful project that you have created and popularized, Tom. I am proud to have finally participated, and I cannot wait until I am able do so again.
I say a special prayer tonight for that pair of shoes being sent out into the world and the person whose feet will fit snugly inside them. May God bless that soul (and those soles) with happiness and peace. And may God bless you, Tom, with joy, peace, and a very long life for your project.

Your devoted admirer,
Hailey

My Bucket List

I created a writing prompt for my 9th graders last week where they had to make a list of at least 5 things they wanted to do in their lives, essentially a Bucket List, and then tell me about why. So, in the spirit of the Beloved Dr. Rod Brewer, who never fails to complete the assignments he gives his students right along with them, I wrote mine as well.

1. Learn to knit
I've tried to learn to knit before, but it was at a time in my life when I really didn't have any use for it, nor the patience, and my efforts were not exactly genuine. Needless to say, my success reflected that. I believe that throwing needles was involved, and I'm not sure if it was my decision or the decision of those close to me at that moment, but my efforts did not continue. When I first came to Harding, the knitting phenomenon was beginning to explode. Girls were doing it everywhere: in chapel, in class, in the caf, on the front-lawn. I've even seen people do it in church. I love to create things like that, and I quickly became jealous of this sweet, creative knowledge. However, all the other activities I chose to pursue interfered with my ability to learn -- that and the fact that I never made any real effort to actually try again. When my friend, Ellen, who learned to knit many moons ago, decided to pick it up again, I got really excited. She's agreed to teach me how one day, hopefully soon, so that I can knit cute things for my friends, fam, and all those precious little babies I love so much.

2. Go white-water rafting
This desire sprung up in my heart this past summer. It was a long, and difficult summer for my family, with the loss of my grandmother. However, it was also a significant learning and growing time for me. I learned a lot about myself and my capabilities. I also learned a lot about God's will for me and what I want to do in my life. After returning from a mission trip in Belize and almost immediately leaving for another in North Carolina, my spirits were high. I was confident I had done good work for the Lord in Central America, and I was ready to take on anything. When we drove through Eastern Tennessee and the beauty of that breathtaking country, and then saw all the people white-water rafting a little further one, I knew immediately that I wanted to try it. I was somehow fearless for the first time in my life, and I still really want to experience what must be an amazing and thrilling adventure.

3. Mission work in Africa
I can't really pinpoint exactly when I began to yearn for those hearts and souls on that great continent, but I can tell you that it has not quieted down. I want to go there and spend weeks just holding babies. I have several friends who have had the opportunity to participate in Harding's HIZ program in Zambia and they bring back pictures and stories of all of these children who are orphaned and have chronic illnesses. They long for someone to just touch them and hold them. My heart aches for them. I hope and pray that God will bless me with babies of my own someday, but if he doesn't, don't be surprised to see me in an African village holding as many as will fit in my lap at a time. I really believe that that yearning is a God-calling, and I hope and pray for the opportunity to fulfill it one day.

4. Go to culinary school
In the 8th grade, when we all had to take that test whose name I can't remember that was supposed to tell us what we should/would be when we grew up, my results read "Chef." I thought that was the silliest thing in the world at the time. Now, part of me wishes I had listened. I love food. I love creating things. I love watching my friends and family enjoy things I have cooked and created. It's such a joy for me to plan a party and/or a meal for people that I love. I would love to go to Culinary school just so I'll know how to make whatever I want. I wouldn't necessarily want to work in a restaurant, but if the opportunity presents itself....I'm definitely not closing any doors on my future at this point.

5. Get married
I've got to have somebody to love me and help me out with #6.

6. Have lots of babies
I've got to have at least 4 at this point because that's how many names I've picked out. I'd really love to have a whole house full. But definitely less than 100. And none of them will be named E.T.

7. Travel Europe
There are so many places I've heard so much about that I really need to see.

8. Visit New Zealand, so I can see where the Hobbits live
Wouldn't it be cool to live in a Hobbit hole? I love the coziness of a hobbit dwelling with its round doors and windows and the warm fire, plus the neverending supply of food. I wish I was as content with my life as they all seem to be.

9. Write and publish a book
I've had a special relationship with words for as long as I can remember, but because I've also had self-esteem issues for nearly as long, I never felt like I was capable of actually writing a book. The idea has occurred to me several times over the last few years, but still, I was certain I just couldn't do it. Until this past Christmas, when my mom said something about it completely out of the blue. She got me a new journal for Christmas and said that she loved to see me writing and that she always assumed I'd write a book one day. She had never ever said anything like that to me ever before. But apparently she had been expecting it to happen for my whole life. And that little vote of confidence was all I needed. One day, I'll do it. As soon as I decide what in the world to write about.

10. Inspire at least one student to pursue a career in Literature or Language
It has been my experience in college that people are constantly asking why we want to be whatever it is we've chosen to become. I can't tell you how many times I've had to write or discuss why I want to be an English teacher. Most often, the majority of my English major friends have chosen this path because they had an exceptional teacher cross their path that really made a difference in their lives. That is not the case for me. I had lots of teachers that I really loved. But I never had a phenomenal English teacher in all of my K-12 education. For a literature and language lover, that is nearly a tragedy. I could very easily have been driven away from my loves by all of the mediocre instructors from my youth. But I chose a different route. I decided that I was going to become an English teacher because I love English, I love kids, and because I never had anyone work to inspire me, believe in me, or encourage me to explore my abilities. I want to do all of those things for my students. And I hope that my work will pay off and that one day before I retire at least one of my former students will be pursuing a degree and career in a field involving Literature or Language. I will, of course, assume that I was all the inspiration he/she needed.

God is a Pusher

I've been praying for several years for God to show me who I am supposed to be and give me the strength, courage, and guidance to do what I need to do to become that person. Some days I wish God wouldn't take me so literally. This has been one of those days. Do you know what I mean? One after another, things keep coming up all day long, obstacles that you must overcome. Typically, they are things that you are usually terrible at and struggle to get through, or they make you actively choose the right thing even though it is something you really don't want to do.

God has really been pushing me to grow lately. Yesterday the lesson I had planned for my 9th graders practically fell flat because of something I could not have planned for. It was a really good lesson for me to learn but a pretty huge blow to my fragile confidence in my teaching ability. This afternoon I got a phone call from my co-teacher for the 2 and 3-year-olds class I teach at church on Wednesday night. Her daughter is sick, so she wasn't going to be able to make it. That meant that instead of taking my very-much-needed nap this afternoon before church, I had to go by and get the class materials and plan a quick lesson. It wasn't a very big deal, but I could really have used that nap. Also, I found out today that a friend of mine from high school, who has not talked to me in over a year, lost her grandfather today. And, as a person who has gone through more than her share of family deaths in her short lifetime, more-than-understands how difficult this situation is. And once again, I could hear God asking me to be the bigger person and do the right thing.

I know I asked for this. I get it. But, I'm tired, and I'm starting to resist the push. I love people. Sometimes too much. But it's often lonely when the people thinking and caring about me are silent, and ironically self-absorbed Hailey (because that's who I become when I start to think about how many times I've made myself do the right thing by people lately) forgets that they're there at all.

It is a blessed thing, at these times, to be able to crawl into the big lap of the Father and let him squeeze me tight and tell me that I really am worth it and that I really do have what it takes. It's really too bad that sometimes, even after all the work I've done to overcome it, I still can't feel Him. The good news is that I'm pretty sure He's pushing me closer to Him.

I pray blessings on all of you, readers. I pray that you will know with complete certainty what God wants from you and for you. I pray that you know how much you are loved. And I pray that you can feel His arms around you. And I pray that on those days when you feel like you can't be pushed any further God will provide some sort of escape. Even something as simple as the pure joy in the light of a child's eyes and his sweet voice calling your name. There's a reason we're called to be like little children.

A Day in the Life of a Student-Teacher

The last semester of a college student's life feels a bit like limbo, especially for a Student-Teacher. The world expects you to take on a lot of the responsibilities of a real-live grown-up, but in so many ways, you're really still a college kid. It's really weird, and pretty frustrating sometimes. The good news is that I love being a student-teacher. For the first time in a long time, I am 100% certain that God created me to teach and that I am right where I belong. It is such a blessed and peaceful feeling. It makes all the hard stuff a lot easier to deal with.

For those of you who may not really be able to understand just what I mean about the ambiguity of a student-teacher's life, here's what a typical day looks like. I'm afraid that it looks more and more like the real world every day.

6:00 am Awakened by vibrating cell phone alarm. Removes ear plugs, crawls out of bed, and staggers into the bathroom to be further awakened by warm morning shower.

6:15 am Checks email and Facebook. Packs breakfast, lunch, and daily snack.

7:10 am Leaves dorm room dressed "professionally."

7:30 am Arrives at High School 15 minutes before cooperating teacher, adjusts the thermostat in classroom, and gets herself ready for the day.

8:00am The day officially begins 2hours after she woke up, but 1 hour before it used to begin.

9:40am Teaches 9th graders Language Arts concepts they should have mastered at least 3 years ago.

10:30am Conferences with cooperating teacher during planning period, has quick snack and bathroom break before next class begins.

12:03 pm Blessed lunchtime

1:35 pm Daily hall duty: aka "Make sure the crazy kids don't kill each other."

3:15 pm School day ends

3:25 pm Leaves school

3:50 pm Arrives back on campus, picks up Rob-Bob to go shopping for Monica's lingerie shower this weekend.

4:45pm Arrives back on campus, goes to dorm room to check email, eat dinner, and begin work on lesson plans for this week's official evaluation.

5:50pm Goes to the Reynolds for Spring Sing Vocal Track practice.

7:30pm Goes to gym to work out.

8:20pm Arrives back in dorm room to take a quick shower and work on lesson plans.

8:55pm Goes back to the Reynolds for Regina club meeting.

9:35 pm Back in dorm room to finish lesson plans, read Bible, decide on tomorrow's wardrobe choice, blog, and chat with friends online a bit.

10:30pm Gather things for tomorrow and begin nightly routine.

11:00 pm Lights out

6:00 am Do it all over again.

Occasionally other teachers at my school will ask me if this is still really what I want to do, what I want my life to be like. Some days it feels like way too much to handle. But, most days it's practically perfect.

Refrigerator Poetry 2

Here's the poem I promised to share in the first post about Refrigerator Poetry. I'm not planning on this one being the last. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.

OUR
SOULS ARE
BETWEEN
PERFECT
LONELINESS
AND
IN THEIR GRIEF
EXPRESS AN
EMPTY PEACE.

BRIGHT
SHADOWY
WISHES
RATTLE
AGAINST
SHAKEN KNEES.

POISONED
SMOTHERED
CEASELESSLY SEEKING
SPENT

BREATHING DEEP STILLNESS
NATURE
WILL BE
OUR
LIFELINE,

WRAPPING
ITSELF
AROUND US
UNTIL
THE
INTERNAL DANCE
SHALL
CEASE.

I didn't know he was Canadian!

The 2010 Olympic Winter Games began with the opening ceremonies on Friday night. This, of course, was the perfect excuse for me to throw a party! I love planning a party. I get really stressed out about them, but it usually turns out perfectly, and this soiree was no exception. We gathered all the Peeps, ordered pizza, and I baked the perfect international dessert: funfetti cupcakes! I had the perfect idea several weeks ago to bake a cupcake for every country with a team participating in the games. However, we were only going to have about 15 people at the party -- tops-- so there didn't seem to be any way that 84 cupcakes could be consumed in one night. I worried and stressed over what I was going to do all the way up until Friday morning, just before the Wal~Mart trip to get all of the supplies. Rob-Bob had the perfect idea: "let's make mini-cupcakes instead." Brilliance. So, we went to Wal~Mart to gather supplies, and then, because I was lucky enough to only have one class on Friday afternoon, I spent most of the morning and lunchtime baking and icing (with Rob's help, of course) 96 cupcakes. I'm not sure exactly what constitutes baking with wreckless abandon, but I'm pretty sure that qualifies.
Anyway, we'll skip all the craziness of getting all those baked goods to Your Dream Hometown, and run ahead to the perfect party. There were a dozen of us, counting the sweetest little boy in the world, 4 pizzas, and all those cupcakes. Here's the brilliance: They were iced in the 5 colors of the Olympic rings (red, green, blue, yellow, and black -- or chocolate, in this case) and 83 of them had tiny toothpick flags from all the participating countries. (Unfortunately, the USA flag was lost in the great move.)


The unexpected fun came when everyone began to wave the flags from the cupcakes they had eaten as their country's team was announced. This is Elijah proudly welcoming Finland to the 2010 Winter Olympic Games.


We talked about our favorite Olympic-themed movies, enjoyed the ceremonial performances, and most of all constantly commented on how many famous Canadians whose nationalities we were unaware of. We didn't enjoy Peter Pan and the virtual prairie. We were intrigued by the fiddling devil in the flying boat. We hadn't realized how popular tapping was in Canada. We were all horrified and appalled by the number of times they aired the video of the terrible accident which brought about the death of the Georgian luger, Nodar Kumaritashvili. Rob-Bob particularly enjoyed the video of the new version of "We Are the World." Everyone else at the party talked about their favorite artists from the original, but as I would not be born until 3 years after its release, I didn't take part in that discussion.
As you can all see, the party was double-cool with knobs, and we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. It was too bad for poor Canada that the fancy structure that holds the cauldron failed to erect one of the pillars, and everyone had to stand around awkwardly and hope it would raise. The commentators did not help the situation, as they continued to talk about how "everything [had] gone off without a hitch. Until now." Fortunately, everyone was so excited about seeing The Great One bear the torch that his quick trip to the outside version of the cauldron (which was intact with its four pillars) made up for the mishap inside the arena. Besides, it's not like it was anywhere near the caliber of Dan Jansen's tragic crash at the 1988 Olympics (another event that I was not around for). Ellen didn't even cry about it. By the time the games are over, practically no one will remember it even happened. (Except these guys.)
This party went so well, that we're going to have another one for the Oscars in March. I'm ambitious, but I'm not stupid enough to believe that I could actually sculpt an Oscar out of cake and create some sort of icing that actually looks shiny and gold, so you'll just have to wait and see what kind of brilliance we come up with for that one. Until then, enjoy the games, and stay tuned for the many words I have to share on Student Teaching and job hunting.

Not-So-Simple Obedience

We've been reading Dietrich Bonhoeffer's The Cost of Discipleship in my Sunday morning class at BBCofC for the past few weeks. For those of you who don't know about this man or his book, Boenhoffer was a German Lutheran who preached and wrote this book in Nazi Germany. His ideas are pretty radical, but his call is mainly to just do what Jesus said to do. The historical context of his writing is incredible because he is essentially calling a people -- his people -- to live lives that will undoubtedly increase their already unbearable suffering.

This past week, we read chapter 3: Single-Minded Obedience. It was all about Jesus' commands in the Sermon on the Mount and how hard we work to make it okay for us all to disobey them. As modern Americans, especially those who affiliate themselves with the Churches of Christ, my classmates and I have struggled with the idea that we've spent hundreds of years "justifying" away all of Jesus' outrageous commands about everyday living because they are difficult and we don't want to have to do them. So, we say that it was all just hyperbolic, only appropriate for the historical context, or that he didn't really care about the specifics of the matter. It's only our hearts that count. Well, it seems to me that a heart looking for an easy way out isn't the heart God is looking for.

On Sunday morning we discussed "what it would look like" if we as individuals, families, and/or the church radically tried to do just what Jesus was calling us to. How would the world and our lives be different if we really plucked our eyes out when they caused us to sin? What would change if we really turned the other cheek, refused to resist evil people, gave all of our possessions to the poor, and resisted the temptation to lust?
In the spirit of lists, I've listed 5 things that I believe would be different about our world if all Christians devoted themselves to Single-Minded Obedience.

1. There would be fewer poor people.
If all Christians committed to giving or selling their possessions in order to care for and minister to the poor, the poor population would dramatically decrease. How beautiful would it be to see our brothers and sisters doing just that? It seems pretty simple. But, I think that in all of our discussions in class, the giving up of one's possessions seems to be the hardest for people to actually consider doing. We really like our stuff. How much stuff did Jesus have?
2. We would worry less.
The "do not resist an evil person" seems to be really difficult for some to come to terms with, especially husbands and fathers (and mothers) who are concerned with protecting their families. The idea of letting someone come into your house and hurt your family because Jesus said not to resist him just seems like way too much to wrap one's mind around. I really believe that this is a faith issue. The intense need to fight back comes from a sole faith in one's own power, strength, will, abilities. Jesus expects us to have enough faith that God will protect us and our families that we do not need to even resist evil people because we know that God will do it for us. That faith increase would spread across all facets of our lives and we would stop worrying about things because we would trust God to take care of us.
3. There would be fewer children in broken homes.
This one is obvious. If people did not lust after women or men who were not their spouses, they would not commit adultery, and fewer marriages would end in divorce. Can you imagine what this world would be like if more children were raised with both parents in their home? Can you imagine how the church would turn around if fewer Christian marriages ended because of lust?
4. There would be more blind people.
Obvious again: more people would be plucking their eyes out. I actually do believe that Jesus used this command hyperbolically. I don't really think he expects us to pluck our eyes out or cut our hands off when they cause us to sin, but it does make for a useful metaphor. We may not be literally blind, but imagine if we became blind to the desire to sin? It's like putting on spiritual blinders, so to speak. I know that it's not a good idea to completely shut out the world and expect to get to heaven without being wary of the devil, but wouldn't it be nice if sin just didn't occur to us? If Christian people were so committed to doing the Lord's work that our tunnel vision didn't allow us the time or the opportunity to find sinful things to even consider?
5. It would be okay that our lives are not fair.
This is the "turn the other cheek" bit. I think that if all Christians really just stood firm and let people slap them around without retaliation we would be closer to Christ and more satisfied with our lives. The sort of attitude that says "I love you because you are a beautiful creation of God, and I will consciously put your needs and wants above my own," comes from a heart that trusts God completely, fully loves all people the way that Jesus loves, and has a healthy sense of humility. That person says "it's okay that other people get what I wanted." "It's okay that I have suffered mercilessly while trying to do the right thing, and other people do what they want and get rewarded." The peace and contentment that reside in this kind of heart is what I think Bonhoeffer (and Jesus) is really calling Christians to. The point of simple obedience is an intimate communion with Jesus Christ. It is a heart issue, but you can't get your heart right without actively doing something radical to change your life.

What would your life look like if you made a drastic change to follow Jesus' outrageous commands in his Sermon on the Mount? Have you ever thought about why generations of Christians believe that it's not necessary?

Lots of people say that we don't live this way because it is hard and we don't want to. I believe that we just don't love Jesus and other people enough. Perfect love casts out all the fear we have about change. Jesus has offered us that perfect love. Too often we do not accept it. More often, we do not feel it necessary to return.

Top 10 Books Every High School Graduate Should Have Read

I was searching for a topic for my next blog post earlier this week, and my good friend and compulsive list-maker suggested this Top 10 list. I was too insecure in my own ability to create a list from scratch, so I consulted a few of my best English Student-Teacher friends and have compiled a list in no particular order (which is one of my greatest downfalls as a maker of lists).

1. Something by Shakespeare
This was on everybody's list. There are obviously several choices for high school readers in Billy's repertoire. I only read three of his plays in high school: Julius Caesar, A Mid-Summer Night's Dream, and Othello -- all of which I enjoyed. Othello is still my favorite, but those surveyed also suggested Twelfth Night and Hamlet -- both of which I liked, but did not read until I was in college.
Some may complain and wonder why Shakespeare is such a given and must be so widely-read. It usually isn't difficult to get me to join the "we shouldn't necessarily do things just because that's how we've always done it" bandwagon, but I've got to support Shakespeare. I believe that his work should be canonized almost entirely because it has lasted so long. His words are still influencing the way that educated people speak and think nearly 4 centuries after his death, because he understood how people work and wrote honestly about human emotion and interaction. Getting high school students to read is 1/2 a literacy issue and 1/2 an issue of creating educated citizens. Shakespeare helps accomplish both of these, because, after all,
"...there be nothing new, but that which is
Hath been before..."

2. 1984 by George Orwell
This is one of my favorite works of all time. I read it for the first time in high school, and I remember all of my friends liking it too. As high school students, we probably enjoyed reading the risque business and felt empowered to "stick it" to Big Brother. Later, I came to be wary of all I heard about my government. But, now, it seems to be more important that George Orwell wrote the book in 1949, contemplating how the world would be 35 years later. The fear that was so pervasive at that time is shocking. Now I realize how many good lessons can be taught from this book....lessons that I had to learn on my own much later.

3. Night by Elie Wiesel
This short work brings the horrors of the Holocaust home, and hits people right where they live. Once again, Wiesel's book has so many lessons to teach to high school students who have a difficult time seeing beyond themselves. This kind of experience can really broaden their worldviews.

4. To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee
This is a beautiful "coming-of-age" story of racial (in)justice in the deep South. High school students have been hearing about civil rights and racial inequality for their entire educated lives. Books like this show them the situation from a personal point of view, forcing them to think about what it must have been like to really deal with extreme prejudice. In many cases, it can make them think about prejudices in their own lives and show them how they may be treating others.

5. Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
I didn't read this book until I was in college. It's a bit long for my taste, as far as a general high school read goes, but I think that it's important in the same way -- but perhaps not to the same degree -- that Shakespeare is. Twain is a Southern American classic that all educated people should read. When I was in high school, we took the Mark Twain shortcut by reading his short stories instead, which is a viable option when under a time crunch, but Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer are classic stories with their own lessons to teach. They can also be easy introductions to dialect reading.

6. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
This is my favorite book of all time. Period. The End. I read it in high school, but not for class. It is the perfect introduction to romantic British Lit. and can really stretch a high school student's mind with varied diction and syntax. I think that it can make teenagers feel like they are reading something a little "high brow" because of the language without being too far over their head. Plus, it's just a beautiful story, for which I'm a sucker.

7. The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
I know several people who did not enjoy this book and wonder why in the world it is so widely read in high school English classes. I liked the book, but that's just personal taste. I think it's a perfect representation of the "Roaring '20s" and a satirical critique of the "American Dream." It asks the hard questions about what Americans had always prioritized and shows that when people, especially a whole nation, are short-sighted there are consequences to be paid. It's a great lesson in preparation.

8. The Scarlett Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne
This is another period piece about the strict societal rules in 17th century Puritan New England. This kind of work can beautifully highlight a history lesson on early America while providing a backdrop for difficult discussions about morality in the present.

9. Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston
I did not read this book until I was in college, but I think that it can be perfectly suited for a high school classroom as well. Hurston's beautiful story of an African American woman's struggle to see herself (and have others see her) as a person, a woman, and a worthy creature of God evokes compassion and sympathy in its readers. Especially for students who will not go on to college, Hurston's easy-to-read fiction is the perfect tool to expand a world-view.

10. The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck
This may have been one of my favorite books that I read while in high school. I think it is very interesting that no one the consulted panel mentioned this one. To some, Steinbeck is an acquired taste, but I love his writing. He has such an ease with words that it's no wonder he's been named as one of the greats. The plight of the Joad family and their 1930s westward journey is a classic story for teaching a wide variety of moral lessons along with literary devices and the exploration of literary merit.

What books did you read in high school that I've left out of this list? What books would be on your Top 10 list? If you were teaching High School English, what works would you be sure not to leave out?

Refrigerator Poetry

I'm in the process of learning to be a teacher, and one of my favorite "methods" for teaching writing so far is an activity that I have personally deemed "refrigerator poetry." Now, this may remind some of you of a haiku that goes something like this:

Haikus are easy
But sometimes they don't make sense
Refrigerator

But that is not at all what I mean.
This activity earned its name from its similarity to those refrigerator magnets with words or pieces of words on them that are used to make sentences, or in the case of someone I know, to exhaust one's life supply of creativity. Students are given several sheets of paper with lists of random words on them, scissors, construction paper, and glue. They will do nothing except cut out words for a certain period of time -- perhaps 15 minutes. Then they have to write a poem using only the words they've cut out. The rules can be adjusted a bit to allow for trading between students and cutting words apart to create other words that they may lack. Then the poem is glued down to construction paper.
We did this in my "Teaching English" methods class last week, and it was wonderful. I'm a language lover, but poetry and I are not generally on very good terms. I have a difficult time really understanding and loving poetry. I tend to find my own imagined "meanings" in it and read things that aren't there. I am terrible at writing poetry, generally, because I feel constrained by the structure and pressure of doing it the "right" way. But this activity was a great stress-reliever for me. The day that we did it in class, I really enjoyed it and was able to create completely uninhibited. I'm pretty proud of the product, but I can't share it with you here because we had to put them up on the bulletin board in our classroom. I promise to share it when they let me bring it home.
In the meantime, I can confess that I'm such an English nerd that I used the words I had left from class and wrote another refrigerator poem on Friday afternoon while I was snowed in. And, although I am terrible at receiving feedback on my writing (either good or bad), I'm going to share this with all of you in blog-dom. Be kind.

Quiet
Woods fill
Up with
Smooth
Snow

Twinkling
Free
Under the
Hush

The universe
Wanders
Away

Billows
Sliding
Down the
Willow
Breathing Deep

Sounds trailing
Sandman
Smells
A dream


Morning
Sweeps
In around
A forest bower

Inside
The dry flame
Roaring hot

Curled inside a
Sweet cocoon
The easy laughing
Wrinkles His nose
and
mine

When
Comes
Music

Just for us

Tents and Tarps

I know that everyone has heard about the earthquake the Haitians experienced earlier this month. The more I hear about it, the more I wish I was in a place in my life where I could just go down there and help do something. I feel so helpless when I hear about terrible disasters like that, but my heart is always with them. I've been praying for them and their situation since I heard the story. I've never been to Haiti. I've never seen their faces in person. But I've seen pictures. And after seeing those people in Belize last summer and learning to love them, I can't help but feel that same tug at my heart when I see the suffering these people are enduring.
I am so proud to be a part of a student body here at Harding that loves people all over the world so actively. The Student Association, along with Harding's administration, immediately began searching for ways that we could help. We had two University representatives go to Haiti and assess the situation and then come back and let us know what the most urgent need was. I was heartbroken to learn that these people that we see on the news sleeping in the streets aren't just the ones who have lost their houses. They are all sleeping in the streets because the earthquake came at night, and they're afraid if they sleep in their houses it might come again while they're inside. They're terrified to sleep in their own homes. Can you even imagine?
Anyway, the Harding SA, along with several other Universities and organizations, has organized an effort to sent tents and tarps to Haiti to provide shelter for those who have lost their homes, and for those who are simply too afraid to sleep inside anything more substantial than a tent. We have already raised enough money to send tents for 200 families who were able to sleep inside them last night. I am amazed at what God's people can accomplish when the love of Jesus is in their hearts.
So, this is an invitation to those of you who are still looking for a way to help. Go to https://tentsandtarps.org/ where you can see pictures and videos of the great need in Haiti and donate to TentsAndTarps. $50 will provide shelter for one Haitian family, but donations of any size are welcome and appreciated.
Even if you are unable to donate money, please, please keep praying for these people. God can work through this tragedy to bring about a divine light. Let's work hard to keep remembering our brothers and sisters even in the midst of our busy, but -honestly- comfortable lives.

"Sometimes it's sweet, and Sometimes it's sour."

I've been debating starting a new blog since my old one lost its funding back in August, but I was pretty self-conscious about it and unsure about how much I really had to say and how much time I had to say it. I don't want to steal Ellen's blog insecurity bit, though, so this is me moving on.

You're probably all wondering what in the world "life is like a pickle" means exactly. Of course, life is like a box of chocolates, but a pickle? Well, I'm glad you asked. The title is actually pretty appropriate in that it may be one of the first legitimately intelligent things I ever wrote. (If you're astute enough to hear a story coming, you should get used to it because, after all, there is a story for everything. There's even a story about how there's a story for everything. But this is not the time for that.)

When I was 8 years old, I wrote what I will call, for the purpose of this story, an "essay" entitled "Life is like a Pickle: Sometimes it's sweet, and sometimes it's sour." I can't reproduce the rest of it here, but it went on to talk about church and how attending church and being a part of God's people will make your life sweet and not sour. The section that is my personal favorite, after reading it again as a semi-adult, quotes verbatim an evangelism tract that has been in the foyer at Beebe Church of Christ since the Apostle Paul was knee-high to a grasshopper. Something along the lines of being "In the Lord's house, with the Lord's people, on the Lord's day." Oh, yeah. All of you BBCofCers know exactly what I'm talking about. Anyway, I don't remember writing this brilliance at all, but apparently my daddy was so proud of it that he showed everybody at church and copies were made and distributed.

So, needless to say, I've been "wordy" for as long as anyone can remember. I like words as more than a friend. It's a love affair that has molded and shaped my life for nearly 22 years now, and I'm currently trying my hardest to make a career out of it.

This blog will mostly be a way for me to indulge my love of language and my incredible self-interest while occasionally (hopefully) fulfilling the needs of my first love language. I hope that all of you in blog-reading-dom enjoy it at least enough to keep coming back because, after all, regardless of overwhelming evidence to the contrary, I'm never writing just for myself.