Things about teaching that I never expected

This is a list of several lessons I've learned, either through my own mistakes or from the anecdotes of other teachers, while student-teaching. They are things that, although I grew up with a teacher in my house and have gone to school all my life and have friends who are teachers as well, I never thought about having to deal with. It just goes to show that no matter how educated you are, you don't always know everything. Sometimes there's a whole basket of muffins.

1. Writing on the board is hard.

Unless you have some sort of super powers, actual eyes in the back of your head, or a special mode of contortion that allows you to face the students and write on the board at the same time, you'll most likely have your back to something like 25 young people who are always looking for the opportunity to do something stupid like remove their prosthetic legs and hit others with them, light fires inside desks, or crawl out of windows. So you spend all of your time actually writing on the board doing everything you can to listen to what's going on behind you and make sure that they are all still present, intact, and paying attention. As you can imagine, all of that pressure makes the actual writing process rather difficult. Forget trying to write in straight lines on a giant blank white board. You'll most likely be more concerned with actually spelling everything correctly. The first time you spell "shirt" without the "r," you might as well just forget the rest of the lesson because you may never get their attention back.

2. You will know more about other people's bodily fluids than doctors do on a daily basis.

I cannot count how many times in a day students ask to leave class to go to the restroom or to step into the hall to blow their noses. But that is a legitimate need that I expected to have to deal with, and, honestly, it's not a big deal. I never expected, however, to have students announce that they "need to pee" in the middle of class with nothing like a question attached. I never thought about how many times I'd have to open a window because someone in the back row passed gas that was so foul no one else could concentrate. I can honestly say that the need to spit sunflower seeds into the trash in the middle of class was not something I considered having to deal with. Perhaps some of these things have something to do with the school district. I'm afraid that most of them have to do with teenagers.

3. Technology is wonderful, but incredibly unreliable.

Always have a back-up plan. Computers, smart boards, classroom televisions, projectors. All of these things, and many more resources, are wonderful and helpful in the classroom setting. They help make teaching and planning easier and more convenient and provide teachers for a wide range of outlets for their creativity. However, the first time you plan a whole lesson around a Powerpoint presentation in which you need, not only the presentation to load, but also the projector and the Smartboard to cooperate, at least one of those technological advances will fail you, and you'll be left with nothing. Always have a back-up plan.

4. Make friends with the custodians. They know all the secrets.

Custodians know where all of the extra hidden supplies are. They tend to be some of the first to find out about things that are happening in the district. Sometimes it's just gossip, but often times there are things that would be nice to know before the district deems it necessary to tell teachers. Custodians can be some of your best friends. Additionally, they are also the people you generally get the least respect in the building. If you treat them like Jesus would treat them, you'll not only be shining your light, you'll also get your room cleaned and your trash taken out more often than anyone else.

5. You may think that, as an English teacher, you'll never need to use math again.

Until there's a stack of essays you have to grade based on a rubric you must create and then assign points to and then calculate the percentage of. Consider yourself warned.

6. Your supervisor/principal/etc. will always come into your classroom when you least expect him. All too often it's the one minute you've sat down in your chair all class period.