Si-LENT-s

Although I'm not Catholic and have no desire for "high church," I do have many non-Catholic friends who regularly observe Lent. I'd thought about it for the last several years but have always felt that I ought to be sacrificial all year round and didn't like the idea of allowing myself to believe that my work was done at Easter. That's not to say that Lent observers feel or think this way, but only that I would be tempted to if I wasn't careful. Along the same lines, however, I have had a difficult time adjusting to my new grown-up single life in the past 8 months, and my spiritual life has taken a real beating. So this year, after some really hard conversations with good friends, I realized that a scheduled sacrifice to recenter my focus might be just what I needed.

Then came the internal conflict about what to give up. It had to be something tangible that I could feel and experience and miss regularly. It also had to be something I could actually do without for forty days. And it had to be something that would help me find and feel God again.

Finally, after a really late night of tears and trying and trembling, it came to me on my way home. I decided to give up listening to the radio in my car. It met all the criteria. With all of my driving back and forth to Beebe at least twice a week, in addition to the driving that I do around Searcy regularly, I could definitely miss it. But I also felt that I had enough self-control to make it through. I also decided that because I didn't want to sweep my house clean only to have seven more demons return, I needed to pray regularly in the car to replace listening to music. This was how I was going to find God again.

Now comes the confession and report on just how well I've done. First of all, I did stick to it. (And since my revelation came about a week too late to begin on Ash Wednesday, I've still got 3 days left.) Some car rides were harder than others, and I didn't always pray as much as I should. But practicing the self-discipline of Silence has really helped. It's helped me be more self-controlled about my eating habits and more self-disciplined about working out. It's helped me to really appreciate and almost look forward to the quiet times when I can just rest and think. I think it's helped me remember more. When I have more room and time to think, I forget fewer things. But the ultimate test is "Has it really brought me closer to my God?" I really think it has. I think the prayer and quiet time has created a way of life for me that reminds me that God is around. I am much more likely to remember to stop and pray than I was at the first of the year. I'm more content (usually). I'm more comfortable being alone and silent (most of the time).

I don't know what will change next week when I'm allowed to listen to the radio again. I hope it's like when I stopped drinking Cokes for a year and a half. Now I can't stand the taste of a regular soft drink. I hope I won't like it anymore. I hope I at least don't want it on all the time. I hope I'll still be able to remember how precious quiet can be and how calming it can be to not have a thousand different inputs in my one tiny brain.

Regardless, God is good. And I can't explain how it wonderful feels to regularly feel Him with me again. So, if the testimony of a Lent neophyte is worth anything, I'm in favor of yearly sacrifice. It's one step closer to the daily sacrifice we're all called to.

8 Questions

I have been asked several questions since becoming a teacher that have completely left me speechless. These aren't the kind of questions I don't feel qualified to answer; they're just the kind I never expected to hear.

1. Can I go out to the parking lot? I left my car running this morning.

2. Can I turn my homework in tomorrow? I got hit by a car yesterday afternoon.

3. Can I go to the office? My tooth just broke off.

4. Can I go get my book? I left it on the wrong side of my locker, so I forgot to pick it up.

5. Can you tell us about your first kiss?

6. Do you know who invented the dog whistle?

7. Where does the peace sign come from?

8. Do you know how to fold those paper chain people who all hold hands?

Needless to say, those of you who think that teachers only need to know about teaching their particular subject matter, think again. I've half a mind to write to the dean of my college and demand to know why the English Department didn't teach me who invented the dog whistle. I'm sure he'd take that into consideration and create a class designed specifically around that. In the meantime, Wikipedia is at my frequent disposal.

Sweet River Fool

When I finally moved into my first grown-up apartment, realized that my budget was still up in the air and that would mean I'd have to wait for a while before committing to a monthly cable bill, my years of studying and keeping busy in college meant that I was actually rather confident in my ability to refrain from television. I'd have movies after all, and could borrow whatever I didn't own, and this would finally give me the time I'd been craving to read whatever I wanted. Another one of those things that they never tell you about growing up is that teachers have to read a ton of stuff they wouldn't necessarily choose to read. About 80% of the material I have taught so far this year was brand new to me, so all that time I thought I'd have to read whatever books I wanted was initially taken up with planning and grading for school, and the time that remained left me so drained of energy that I'd rather sit in front of the tv than expand my literary horizons. I have consequently (yes, Senor Allen, people do use "consequently" in everyday conversations) spent the last six months watching movies and all of the tv series on DVD that I could borrow or get on Netflix. But in the past several weeks, I have finally gotten tired of tv and have returned to my once great love. I haven't read as much as I'd like, but I'm working on it, and the internet is helping me do that.

Sometime last Spring, I got an email from one of my favorite English professors at Harding, letting me know that he had just gotten his novel published. At the time, I was a poor college student, so I saved the email for a time when I'd actually be able to afford to buy it. Last week was exactly the time for it. I dug out that old email and ordered Sweet River Fool by Dr. Larry Hunt.

On Friday afternoon, when I was finally able to pick it up from the post office, I was super excited to delve into this new story. Being on Spring Break this week has given me ample opportunity to read whatever I like, so on Monday morning I finally picked up the tale of Snody (pronounced "Snow-dee"). For those of you who don't know Dr. Hunt, he's a really fun guy with a wide array of interests. (Incidentally, as the Tolkien expert on staff, he was my advisor for my Senior Symposium.) After reading only the "blurb" on the back cover, I knew that this was the perfect combination of his deep south Georgia upbringing and his delightful love of medieval literature. Snody, the protagonist, is a homeless drunk, who after a failed suicide attempt, finds an illustrated book about Saint Francis of Assisi in a dumpster and decides that he is going to model his life after Saint Francis. His story is beautifully woven through the lives of the residents of the small Georgia town of Sweet River, and it is inspiring to see the way this unlikely Christ character touches the lives of so many who are suffering and lonely. The writing has a light, yet tender feel and a subtle morality that makes it difficult to find its equal (or even its younger brother) on my bookshelves. I devoured this story in just a couple of days and slept very well on Tuesday night as I imagined being able to lay my head down in God's lap just like Snody did. I'd recommend this book without hesitation, and am hoping that this won't be the last of Dr. Hunt's books I'll be able to add to my collection. If you're interested, I'm certain that he would love for you to buy your own copy here, or I'd be happy to let you borrow mine.

Music makes words out of my soul thoughts.

"Music gives a soul to the universe,

wings to the mind,

flight to the imagination,

and life to everything."

~ Plato ~

I have long been affected by music, especially spiritually. I've often felt that worship songs were a better reflection of the deep yearnings of my heart than I could ever put into words. I have often used songs as prayers to the Lord when I could not find the words to express what I needed to tell him. Music cuts me somewhere deep. It allows my spirit to fill me up and overflow into the hearts and minds of others, especially God. I know that feelings are not everything, and they shouldn't be the basis for faith or closeness to God, but I am a primarily emotional being, and I have never felt closer to the heart of God than when I am singing, when I allow the melodic phrases to open secret passages of my heart that perhaps I didn't even know were locked. Music is a beautiful gift from the Lord.

That being said, I have been given a great gift in my opportunity to attend chapel daily. I have learned several new songs just this year that have quickly become favorites. No comment of mine can add to the beauty of these words, so I will simply share with you the lyrics of three songs that I had never heard a year ago and cannot begin to understand how my soul ever lived without. I hope that you will be blessed by them as I have been.

Still

Hide me now
Under Your wings
Cover me
Within Your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father you are King over the flood
I will be still and know You are God
[
Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know His power
In quietness and trust

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father You are king over the flood
I will be still and know You are God

Let God Arise

Hear the holy roar of God resound
Watch the waters part before us now
Come and see what He has done for us
Tell the world of His great love

Our God is a God who saves
Our God is a God who saves

Let God arise
Let God arise
Our God reigns now and forever
He reigns now and forever

His enemies will run for sure
The church will stand, she will endure
He holds the keys of life, our Lord
Death has no sting, no final word

I Will Rise

There's a peace I've come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There's an anchor for my soul
I can say "It is well"

Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead

[Chorus:]
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

There's a day that's drawing near
When this darkness breaks to light
And the shadows disappear
And my faith shall be my eyes

Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead

[Chorus:]

And I hear the voice of many angels sing,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
And I hear the cry of every longing heart,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
[x2]

[Chorus:]

Living an American Century

Frank Buckles, the last American World War I veteran, passed away last night at the age of 110. Besides the fact that he deserves our gratitude and respect for defending our country in the "Great War" and for his incredible survival of a 3-year stay in a Japanese POW camp, can you imagine the stories he could tell just because he was alive to witness so much in the past century?

We Remember

My AP class is studying Hitler's propaganda ministry and the Holocaust in conjunction with a reading of Elie Wiesel's autobiography, Night. It's a heartrending story of this 15 year old Jewish boy's survival of Auschwitz. Wiesel is an incredible man. Since being liberated by American troops in 1945, he has written and published 47 books, holds several degrees (some of which are honorary), has taught at Boston University and Yale, won the Nobel Peace Prize in 1986, and at the age of 82 is still alive today, shouting from the rooftops, doing all he can to ensure that the memories of so many dead will live on.

Tomorrow (assuming that the meteorologists are crazy for predicting that the blizzard of the century will arrive just after midnight) my students will watch Oprah's 2006 interview with Wiesel. This is an incredible viewing. They actually visit Auschwitz (which apparently Wiesel does on a regular basis -- Can you imagine?) over 50 years after the fact, and as if the feeling of the place isn't intense enough, he refuses to speak above a whisper in order to respect the dead.

While doing this study along with my kids, I have been moved to tears several times. This is a tragedy of mammoth proportions that no one should ever have the luxury to forget. Here in the midst of my rambling, I'm reminded of Elie Wiesel's declaration that there simply are no words. No words to describe the horror and anger and grief. No words. So here, at the risk of alluding to Thomas Bowden's "This page is left blank for you" at the end of Beebe High School yearbooks, I'm going to leave the rest of this post blank for the memories of the dead and the grief of the living. May those six million descendants of Abraham never be forgotten.

____________________________________________________________________

State of the Classroom Address: Room 2 edition

Last night at half past seven o'clock Miss Pruitt of Room 2 delivered this, the State of the Classroom address.

Students, parents, colleagues, friends, I greet you. Tonight, I will inform you all on the successes, failures, and delightfully (usually) random happenings in room 2. We'll laugh; we'll cry; oh, what a time we'll have. I hope that by the end of the address you will all feel that the future of our country is safe (ish) and that at least 50% of ignorance is regularly stamped out.

Three different classes are conducted inside room 2 four days a week, due to Harding Academy's block scheduling on Wednesdays and Thursdays. Sophomores gather to learn and discuss the forms and functions of general English, including language, writing, and reading. So far this year, we've read Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451, Shakespeare's Julius Caesar, several poetry selections, and we are currently in the middle of the beauty that is Dickens' A Tale of Two Cities. I fully enjoy my 10th grade students. We have a good time together. Last semester, I failed to thoroughly explore writing and language skills to the degree which I would like, so I plan to remedy that this Spring.

Juniors assemble in room 2 daily to discover the complexities of the history of American Literature. So far, we've read Twain's Huckleberry Finn, Hawthorne's The Scarlett Letter, Miller's The Crucible, a large collection of American short stories, poems, and historical documents, and we are currently tackling argumentative research papers on a wide variety of social issues. My regret from the fall semester was that we spent too much time on the selections I enjoyed the most, so we were forced to cram too much material into too little time. I'm hoping to be able to keep things moving at a pace consistent enough to keep that from happening again, while actually making it through all of the material we still need to cover. It's a daunting task.

Some academically excellent Junior students were chosen to participate in the Advanced Placement Language and Composition course. We read and discussed several works over the summer: The Great Gatsby, The Case for Christ, and Ecclesiastes. Since then, we've tackled Chinua Achebe's Things Fall Apart, as well as a number of essay selections. We used these readings as material to shape our writing. We've explored the forms, functions, and development of essays that analyze literature and those that make strong arguments, and are currently in the process of learning to synthesize the two. We've still got great strides to make before we can walk on the moon of the AP test, but these students are exceptionally bright, and I'm proud of the work they've done as well as consistently amazed at their innate abilities to make intelligent connections.

Besides the satisfaction that comes from watching students learn and grow, there is also a very special part of my job that comes from simply sharing in these kids' lives. I never cease to be amazed at their many quirks and the diversity of their many interests. At one time or another in my classroom, I have participated in conversations about what we should do if there is a school shooting, a student's chipped tooth, the disgusting details of stomach viruses, the possibilities of deodorant that smells like cheeseburgers, the fact that Will loves basketball, the details of my contract, plans to set me up on a blind date with someone who doesn't even live in this state, silverback gorillas, the man who invented the dog whistle, Publius, Captain America, yams, whether a woman's place is in the kitchen, the fact that I have two students in the same class who hate the number 4, and efforts to Save the Manatees from large ships because they're too stupid to get out of the way. There is never a dull day in room 2.

Lastly, I just want to say that even on days when I can't believe it's only number 95 because it feels like number 1095, I still can't imagine myself doing anything else. I've had friends tell me that I was born to do this job, and I am more and more convinced of that fact every day. Even when I'm exhausted from pulling teeth and herding cats (which is what my job is a considerable amount of the time), I'm still thinking about delightful conversations about the movies they think I should see and the smiles on their faces when they find out I'll be there to watch them play that game or perform on that stage. All 87 of them have captured little parts of my heart, and I know that it will simply have to grow 2 or 3 sizes in the next few years to add in all the new faces and lives that I will inevitably love.

Teaching is a very special job, and Harding Academy is a very special place. I find it a privilege and an honor to serve my Lord by leading children to new worlds and fascinating discoveries. I hope and pray that I can bless their lives in a small way because they have infinitely blessed mine.

Happy 100th Day of School, Wildcats! Here's to a fun and productive 78 more!

Announcement of State of the Classroom Address

It's 1:36 pm (6th period), and I'm reporting LIVE from Harding Academy Room 2. Today is the 100th day of the 2010-2011 school year. I've officially been a teacher for 100 days (some may think that I've been teaching for most of my life in some capacity or another, but that's a story for another day). In honor of these past 100 days, I am preparing to deliver my address on the State of the Classroom. Tonight, I'll inform you all on our successes and failures and our plans and goals for the future. Stay Tuned.

Don't forget the small things

As my last post was slightly depressing and may have left many of you concerned about me and/or reluctant to read this blog ever again in fear that you days would be darkened rather than brightened if you did, I've decided to let you all know that I've pulled myself up out of that puddle and embraced the little things in life.

Here's a list of the good things this week that I'm making a point to remember to appreciate:

1. I love my job. I get paid to do what I was created to do. How many people can truly say that?
2. I'm slowly, but surely, finding a new church home. I've been attending semi-consistently and have decided to be more deliberate. I've joined a new bible study and a Sunday morning class where I can meet new people my age and, hopefully, make some good new friends.
3. I went out to eat twice this week with friends I hadn't seen in a long time. It was a real blessing for me to remember that even when I feel the loneliest, if I trust God, he will take care of me.
4. I am currently reviving my love for reading. I've spent so much of the past few years reading for school, either as a student or as a teacher. Now, I've actually got the time to do both, and it's been wonderful to re-experience the joy that comes from visiting another life.
5. My family has been a real blessing to me in the past few weeks. We've had our ups and downs, but lately things have been really good. I've felt accepted and like I belong with them, which is something that I was really yearning for. I'm so thankful I could find that at home.

grown-up (yet single) snow days

I apologize for the lengthy hiatus all of you faithful pickle jar readers have had to endure. I can't promise that this will be the post you've been waiting for, but perhaps it will jump-start a new year of more regular blogging.

So, yesterday was a snow day. Oh, the many joys of being a teacher! It was great to have a day where I got to sleep in and relax and stay in my jimjams all day. But the sadness comes from being a grownup who lives alone. This is another one of those things nobody ever tells you about growing up. Remember snow days when you were a kid? Everybody was super excited because not only did you get to miss school, you also got to go out and play and make snow angels and forts and snow men. And then you'd come back in and slowly strip off those damp layers while your mom made soup for lunch that you got to eat in your jimjams while getting warm. And perhaps, if you were really brave, you would layer back up later in the afternoon and venture out for round two. And I know that it's still fun to do those things as a grown up. It's one of the few times in life where you get to run around and act a fool and everyone thinks it's totally normal. But, like I said, there's a catch that no one ever tells you about. Single Snow Days.
If you're single and live alone and too far away from your family to safely travel home on a snow day, you have no one to go play in the snow with. Which means that it's practically pointless to venture out because you'll just end up feeling more sorry for yourself than you already do. This is when you put on a brave face and do the next best thing. You make yourself a hot cup of tea or cocoa or coffee or whatever your hot drink of choice is and settle into a marathon of book devouring and movie consumption. And, all in all, as long as you don't spend too much time thinking about how your friends are spending their snow days (especially those who have sweet children to play with), you'll make it just fine. And you may even have a midly impressive checklist to show for it.

Here's the tally for yesterday:
3 loads of laundry washed and dried (only 1 folded)
1 + 1/2+ 75 pages of books read
2 1/2 movies watched
1 week of lesson plans finished

And while that really doesn't seem like much now that I write it out, it was a rather enjoyable way to spend my surprise day off. Especially in light of my options.

Hope that you and your families had fantastic snow days and that you only feel appropriately sorry for me in this, my time of self-pity.